


A Year without Tess

by CountlessWells



Category: The Flash, The Flash (TV 2014), the flash cw - Fandom
Genre: Christmas, I need to keep up on posting my work, Other, The Flash - Freeform, harry wells - Freeform, this is so late
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-29
Updated: 2019-12-29
Packaged: 2021-02-27 04:59:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,171
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22181434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CountlessWells/pseuds/CountlessWells
Summary: This is a rather sad christmas story about Harry and Jesse's first christmas without Tess.
Relationships: None
Kudos: 2





	A Year without Tess

Christmas time, the time of the year that is generally a happy one. Despite the cold weather, everyone is surrounded by the warmth and kindness of their loved ones; but what are you to do when the only person you loved was gone? Harry felt as if he was at a constant state of emptiness. The only thing that woke him up every morning was their daughter, Jesse. She was just five years old when Tess had passed away. Even now, from time to time, Jesse will still ask where Tess is. The concerned look on his daughter’s face always feels like a hit in the chest which stings harder when he has to remind her, that Mommy’s not coming home, and he has only himself to blame.  


It was December 24th, just one day before the big holiday. Jesse, rushed downstairs into the living room. She climbed upon the couch cushions to get a glimpse of the snowy world outside. She let out a small giggle. Though it was raining, she was not able to contain her excitement. If it was up to her, she would already be covered in a pile of snow, but she knows her father would pull her out within seconds.  
“Jesse, come over to eat your breakfast.” Harry called out. Jesse, with no intention of resisting, made her way into the dining room and climbed on to her chair. Harry was over by the hot stove, whipping up breakfast for the both of them. He had a birdnest for hair, he wasn’t even properly dressed yet. There was pancake batter all over his arms and apron, but it’s the thought that counts, right? “There you go, sweetheart.” He said, placing down a plate of terribly shaped tree pancakes. His lips smiled, but his eyes didn’t. He handed her a fork then turned off the stove.  
"How am I supposed to cut my pancakes?" Jesse asked, expecting her father to hand her a knife.   
"Use the edge of the fork, honey." He said. "It's safer." Harry didn’t bother to make himself a plate. The single-father settled for the mug of coffee he had poured out earlier. Coffee was practically his life source at this point. He drank at least three cups a day. One every morning, one in the afternoon, and one always after putting Jesse to bed. This became his routine after Tess passed away. Now coffee wasn’t all he consumed. Around lunch time, Harry would always make sure to have some sort of protein like a steak or some grilled chicken, but that was about it.  
“Daddy?” Jesse said as she poked her pancakes. “Can we go see Sant-?” She asked.   
“No.” Harry shook his head as he took a seat. “We’re not going to see Santa this year.” He said, taking a sip of his cold coffee. He watched her as she pouted. Licking his lips, he said, “Honey, eat your breakfast.”   
“Daddy, I want to go.” She whined. Jesse placed her fork down and shook her head. “If we’re not going, I’m not eating.” She argued, crossing her arms. Harry let out a sigh. He wiped his mouth with a napkin before he finished his drink and walked over to the sink.  
“Jesse, eat your food, and we’ll talk about it.” He said, pulling up his sleeves as he began to wash the dirty dishes. “But-”  
“No buts, Jesse.” Harry said. Once all washed off and dried, he wiped his hands, turning around to see a rather serious face on the little girl’s face. Harry crossed his arms against his stomach and leaned back against the edge of the counter. “I said no.” He huffed. “Eat your food, I’ll be back.” Harry walked over to her and gave her another kiss on the head then exited the room.   


He wasn’t mentally prepared to do anything that was related to christmas. He didn’t want to put up lights, he didn’t even have a tree set up. He didn’t want to do anything, but he knew he’d have to eventually. The widower took the time that Jesse spent eating her breakfast into putting up some christmas lights. He didn’t bother to put on a jacket, a hat or gloves. He simply walked outside the house just to put up only two sets of lights. He put them on both sides of the patio railing, and that was it. Looking around to the other houses in the neighborhood, his would definitely not win a christmas contest. Harry began to think about the gift shopping that he still had to do.   
“Tess always did that.” He said to himself. Harry sat at the top of the patio, letting the droplets of rain gently shower him. He rested his chin in his hand. He could feel the cold kisses of the droplets on his nose and cheeks as they were slowly becoming red. Looking towards their lawn, he could imagine Tess picking up a hand full of snow, and carefully rolling into the perfect snowball just to throw straight at Harry’s face. He ran his fingers through his, now slightly damp, hair. then returned inside the house to find an impatient six year old wearing her mother’s lipstick.   
“Daddy look-” She smiled, but that smile quickly faded once she saw his reaction.  
“Jesse,” he started, “what do you think you’re doing?” He said in an enraged tone. He grabbed Jesse by the wrist then pulled her into the guest bathroom.  
“Daddy I-”  
“Stay still.” He grabbed a washcloth and drenched it in warm water before he wiped the lipstick off her face. “Where did you find this?” He asked, snatching the lipstick out of her hand. Jesse’s eyes immediately darted towards the ground. “Jesse, I want an answer.” He demanded.  
“It was in Mommy’s stuff.” She said, her voice low.  
“What did Daddy say about touching Mommy’s stuff?” He said rhetorically.  
“To not do it.” She said in a regretful tone.  
“That’s right.” He said. “So what are we not going to do anymore?”  
“Not touch Mommy’s stuff.”   
“Good.” He cupped her cheek and gave her a kiss on the forehead. He threw the wash cloth to the side. “Don’t go into Daddy’s room again, do you hear me?”  
“Yes, Daddy.” She nodded, her eyes low to the ground. Harry finally stood up from his squatting position and removed Jesse out of the bathroom. The teary-eyed little girl dashed up the stairs to her bedroom, not seconds later you could hear a door being slammed a little too hard.  
A heavy sigh exited Harry’s lungs as he looked down at the tube of lipstick in his hand. It was Tess’ favorite shade, as well as his. He walked slowly up the steps, his eyes looked over to Jesse’s bedroom before entering his own. The room was completely intact, exactly how he had left it. His clothes for the day were laid upon the bed, ready to be worn. His car keys in the dish on the bedside table. He returned the lipstick to its rightful place, by the vanity mirror they built for her. He placed it down next to the rest of her makeup and exited his bedroom. He walked over to Jesse’s and knocked softly against the door.  
“Hey, can I come in?” He asked softly. He chewed his lip at the sound of her muffled whining. “Honey, please?” He waited for a few more seconds, and the moment he began to turn away, she opened the door.  
“Yes, Daddy?” She asked, wiping her nose with her sleeve. Her face was red and puffy. Her cheeks and nose were still a little moist from all the tears she had cried in that small amount of time. Harry knelt down so that they would be eye-to-eye.   
“Daddy wanted to let you know,” he said grabbing her tiny hands, “that he’s sorry. I know what I did was-”  
“Y-You were being mean.” She tried to pull her hands away from his, but Harry being the stronger one, she really didn’t have much of a choice.   
“Yes, you’re right.” He nodded. “Daddy was being mean, and it wasn’t okay; but honey, when Daddy has rules you have to listen to them, okay?” He continued to chew at the dried skin on his lips. “Listen, Daddy has some surprises for you today, so how about we get you ready, hm?” He playfully tugged at her tiny fingers as he waited for an answer.   
“What surprises?” She asked, sniffling.   
“If you get ready, maybe you’ll see.”

Harry took Jesse the one place he dreaded this time of year, the mall. Although the two looked a little over dressed for such a casual outage, Harry had other plans in mind. He was wearing the suit that was laid out on his bed earlier that day with a large overcoat. Jesse’s raincoat had put a damper on her cute little white dress, which she wore with stockings and her black pumps. Contributing to the holiday spirit, Jesse insisted that she wear her santa’s hat. The two walked hand in hand, as his other was filled with shopping bags. Their fingers were interlocked rather than the usual hand in hand handshake. The way Harry would maneuver past all the ‘Karens’ and ‘Mr. Karens’ it seemed as if Harry was holding onto Jesse for dear life. A high-pitched screech pierced through the sound of the christmas jingles and all the chattering around them.   
“Santa!” She said, jumping with excitement. Jesse began to tug at Harry’s hand, pulling him towards the fake winterland made in the center of the mall. His blue eyes scanned the tired parents and eager children that waited in line. All of this for a photo with some stranger with your kid in their lap? No.  
“Jesse, I said no.” He said, pulling her back to his side.   
“But Daddy I want to go…” She whined. Jesse was smart enough to know that Harry wouldn’t make a scene, not in public at least. She continued with her childish tantrum, just hoping that he’ll say yes.   
“Jesse, stop it.” Harry said, shaking his head. The two were aware of what the other had in mind, but Harry wasn’t going to back down so easily. “I told you in the morning, and I’m telling you again. We’re not seeing Santa this year. I’m sorry.”   
“Mommy would let me! Why won’t you?” She said, hitting the side of Harry’s leg. She was right, and Harry hated that. He clenched his jaw tightly. Not to hold back his anger, but his tears. He knew Tess would let her go. Tess would wait in line as long as she needed to get a photo of Jesse with Santa Clause.  
“Jesse,” Harry called out. He knelt down in front of her as he did back at home. “Mommy’s not here anymore.” He emphasized each word so that she would hear him clearly. “I wish she was, but she’s not.” He said. His ears were warm with embarrassment. The single father rose to his feet and pulled Jesse along. The two roamed the mall for the next two hours, continuing Harry’s last minute shopping. At this point, he didn’t care if Jesse knew what he was getting for her or not. Once buying what he thought was enough presents the two left the mall. 

Harry had another place in mind after the mall. The ride seemed much longer than she anticipated. It must have been at least 30 minutes after leaving the mall, but at least the rain had died down.   
“Where are we going?” Jesse asked.  
“You’ll see.” He said. His eyes would go from the road to Jesse from to time to time, making sure she was alright as he drove. Two miles down from where they were, Harry steered the car onto the side of the road.  
“Daddy, why are we stopping?” She asked, stretching her neck to look out the frosty window. “Is something there?” He ignored her questions. He relieved himself from his seatbelt prior to reaching behind him, grabbing one of two bouquets he had sitting in the car.   
“Are you coming?” He asked as he pushed open his car door. The crisp crunch of the snow lingered in his ears as let the snow as he saw Jesse’s answer through the window. He removed her from her car seat. He held his hand out for her, which she grabbed gently as she exited the car.  
“Daddy, what are we doing?” She asked, looking around. She crossed her arms against her stomach, trying to keep whatever warmth she had.   
“Follow me.” He took her hand, and walked her away from the road. The two walked side by side until reaching Harry’s desired destination. Harry’s tongue did what it could to moisten his dry, swollen lips. He smacked his lips before he spoke. “Honey, tell me what you see.” He requested. The young girl looked around, there wasn’t much to see. She was practically blinded by how white their surroundings already were. She looked up to her father and gave him a shrug.  
“I don’t see anything.” She responded. Harry smacked his lips in disappointment.   
“I thought I taught you better.” He softly chuckled. Pulling her just a few steps ahead, he kicked the tip of his shoes against what looked like a huge lump of snow; but instead of going through it as it should have, the contact made a thunk noise. Using the edge of his sole, he scraped off the soft snow to reveal a wooden stump. “Honey,” Harry started, exhaling a deep sigh;the two watched as the small cloud disappeared into thin air. He could feel a lump beginning to form in his throat “This is the place Mommy left us.” His ocean eyes scanned the woodline that was yards ahead of them then looked down to Jesse. “Before, there was a tree and some bushes.” He explained. “And now there’s just this.” His eyes shifting to the stump. “Here,” he handed her the bouquet.   
“They’re for Mommy?” She asked, the plastic around the flowers wrinkled in her small hands. Harry nodded then used the edge of his finger to wipe the edge of his nose. He felt his face turning red for another time.   
“Can you put them down for her?” Harry asked, his frozen fingers tapped against hers.  
“Me?” Her voice squeaked. She moved her hair to the side to get a better look at the flowers in her hand.   
“Go ahead.” He gestured her towards the stump. Jesse’s fingers slowly slipped away from Harry’s as she stepped forward. She rested the flowers gently upon the stump. As she made her way back to her father’s side, she stepped on the wrappers and ribbons of bouquets that were left before. Although it’s not very health conscious for the planet, Harry has left a bouquet every week at this spot since the day Tess passed away. They were always the same flowers as well, her favorite, lilies. These weren’t ordinary lilies. They were white stargazer lilies. These were the flowers Harry bought Tess for their first date and the many occasions they spent together after that. Harry took Jesse’s hand and walked towards the vehicle.   
“Are we going home now?” Jesse asked as Harry buckled her into her car seat. Harry shook his head, his eyes looking over to the second bouquet that was laying on the floor of the car.   
“One more place.” He answered, and drove off.  
  
The silence in the car spoke louder than sounds of their tears. Harry would resort to biting his lips to prevent any sounds from leaving him, and Jesse was left speechless. Harry told her about the car accident, and she knew her mother was gone, but seeing the stump made it more definite than any of Harry’s words.  
Harry drove them to the cemetery that Tess was buried at. Scattered among the hundreds of plots were the family members of those who had passed on. Many were shedding tears as others grieved in silence. Jesse took the initiative to carry the flowers as they walked all the way over to Tess’ plot. This was the first time Harry had taken her after the burial. Harry’s hands kindly secured themselves onto Jesse’s shoulders as they stood in front of Tess’ headstone which read; “Beloved wife and mother; Because in the vast night sky, you are the only star I see.” The exact words that were spoken to Harry hours before Tess’ horrendous demise.   
“It should’ve been me.” Harry whispered under his breath. He let out a soft cough to clear his throat and squeezed Jesse’s shoulders. “Go ahead, honey.” He spoke, his voice low.   
“No.” She shook her head, then looked up to Harry.”  
“What do you-”  
“I want to do it together.” She said, raising the flowers up to Harry.   
“Okay,” He said, wrapping his hand around the bouquet as well. “Together.” He said. The two stepped ahead and gently placed the flowers at the bottom of the headstone. Harry knelt down next to Jesse and rubbed her back. Jesse leaned forward and kissed the top of the headstone then turned to Harry and gave him a kiss on the cheek. Harry was taken by surprise at the sudden gesture. He covered where her lips met his cheek like a little kid at play school would then felt her tiny arms wrap around his neck.  
“It’s okay, Daddy.” She burrowed her face into his neck as he returned the gesture.   
“I know.” He lied, returning the warm gesture. He knew. He knew that no matter how much time would pass, he would never be able to be okay with this. Harry copied Jesse’s actions, kissing Tess’ headstone and then Jesse’s cheek before standing to his feet. “Let's go home.”   
  
The rest of their day passed by quicker than usual. Jesse had eaten her dinner and was in bed by eight o’clock that night. Emotionally drained as he was, Harry still used whatever extra time he had to put up some christmas decorations as quietly as he could. The artificial Christmas tree was the first thing to be put up, after it was just decorating and then wrapping whatever presents he had bought earlier that day.   
Once the last present was taped up and set under the christmas tree, Harry called it a night. He did what he did every night. He took his shower, got himself dressed in a warm black high neck and sweatpants, and prepared himself a hot mug of black coffee. Sitting in his usual seat beside the window, he could hear the pitter-patter of rain as it picked back up again. He carefully brought his mug to his lips, taking a small sip of his drink and gazed beyond the droplets of water that stained his window.

  


//The original art of this is not mine, I had simply made it into a christmas version.\\\ 


End file.
